Are Weddings Getting Out of Control?

The title kind of gives away the point – are weddings getting out of control? Let’s break this down into three problems. And before we get too far into this, IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY IN THE PLANNING PROCESS, I have a spreadsheet that I made in google docs, this is the link, it helps – I promise.

• Expectations – Whether this is from family members, years of Pinterest ideas, Instagram envy, or seeing an idea you love at a friend’s wedding, it can be really hard to prioritize what you want with so many voices.
• Cost – This one is obvious. The 2023 average cost for a wedding in the US was $35,000 according to The Knot. This only covers the ceremony and reception and doesn’t include the ring, the honeymoon, the rehearsal dinner, and who knows what else.
• Complexity – Why is the wedding industry so COMPLICATED? You need to book everything months or years out, order the dress way ahead of time, you need save the dates and invitations and a website… the list never ends.

EXPECTATIONS

The first thing that seems to happen after you’ve agreed to spend your life with someone is the crushing weight of expectations. Congratulations with a hidden undercurrent of “will I be invited?” Family immediately asking when the wedding will be. Awkward questions that no one wants to ask about who is paying for what. HOPEFULLY you as the couple have already discussed what you want from your wedding (and marriage). And HOPEFULLY you have a moment to enjoy the experience of agreeing to spend your life with someone.

Then you start to do research, and social media algorithms know so you start to see weddings everywhere on your feed. You wonder if you need a champagne tower, or a live wedding painter. You see so many floral arches everything, you think that they’re a 100% necessary part of the ceremony. Bachelor nights have turned into entire trips. One friend had a late night snack, and wasn’t that nice? Will people expect a late night snack now?

COST

So that brings us to the cost. All of these expectations add stress and add expenses, which adds more stress. Some might get cynical, and blame the vendors for jacking up prices when they hear the word “wedding.” Others blame inflation and the rising cost of living. And some, like me – blame the expectations (along with that rising cost of living thing).

How does this break down? Let’s do a little exercise of common things people spend money on

• If you go out for dinner somewhere somewhat nice and have a couple drinks and dessert, it probably costs $70+ per person. ($8 shared appetizer cost, $30 entre, two $12 drinks, $8 for dessert)
• A nice bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s Day or Easter from 1-800 Flowers with shipping, tax, and a service charge is $120.
• Sending out Christmas cards costs $300 for the one hour photoshoot, $2/card to print fairly cheaply and get envelopes and stamps

Now, let’s imagine you have to absorb the cost for 100 people to all have dinner, you need to invite them, you want pretty flowers and pretty pictures.

• Feed 100 people @ $70 / person = $7000
• You need 15 flower bouquets for bride, bridesmaids, and tables $120 x 15 = $1800
• You have to invite everyone, so $300 + $2 x 100 = $500
• You want pretty pictures for 8 hours, so $300 x 8 = $2400
• We are at $13,600 so far (with VERY conservative numbers) and we haven’t included the cost of staff, a DJ, renting a venue, paying for the vendors to come and set everything up, the dress, the hair, the makeup, the tux, the honeymoon, the wedding rings, and who knows what else. (Plus taxes, tips, service charges etc.)
• One venue tried to charge us extra for water service. As in – if we wanted water to be on the table during dinner, it was an extra $1.50 per guest. Silverware was an extra $2 per guest.
• Then add in expectations like the floral arch ($2k – $20k depending on how complex you go) and the fancy welcome signage and seating charts ($1k+). Your parents want their friends to come, so an extra 20 guests adds ($70+$12+$2) $84 per guest, an extra $1680 is gone. Every single expectation adds another cost, and budgets shoot up
• If you want to look at more breakdowns, my wedding spreadsheet has a fun Budget Builder tab that helps you breakdown vendor costs

COMPLEXITY

That brings us to complexity. Weddings have gotten complicated – and they don’t have to be! What if we dial it back and examine the expectations from the start? People expect you to feed them at a wedding. They expect a pretty venue. They expect there to be alcohol. They expect dancing. They expect fancy floral arrangements and matching napkins and candles everywhere. They expect to be invited in the first place!

Imagine how simple it would be, and what the cost would look like if the expectations were more in line with a house party. Show up, bring a bottle of wine, talk, laugh, and munch on some generic food bought from a bulk store. Obviously this is sort of the other end of the extreme, and a totally valid approach. But wanting a day and memories out of Bridgerton or a Disney movie is ALSO completely valid. The most important thing to KEEP YOUR COSTS IN LINE is to MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS and your PRIORITIES. If the fancy vibe doesn’t matter, then scale all of that back. If the invites don’t matter, then just send a simple card with a wedding website linked. CHOOSE what matters to you, and watch your budget get a lot healthier and the whole process get a lot simpler.

So… Are Weddings Getting Out of Control?

In my highly informed (not) and totally scientific (not at all) OPINION – I think that weddings themselves are beautiful and should be exactly what you want from your day. If you have hundreds of thousands to spend on a fairy tale, then do it. If you can only afford it by racking up credit card debt? Then you can’t afford it. Weddings themselves are fun and special and beautiful. The expectations that social media and our families set are what can make the day a little less pretty. Remember, “No” is a full sentence.

Choose YOUR priorities that fit YOUR life, and focus on the memories that matter.

And if you ARE planning a wedding, go ahead and check out this spreadsheet I made. I have years of event planning experience and I did MONTHS of research, and if giving you a free spreadsheet saves you money and stress, then I am THRILLED. (Yes some parts of it are wordy, words help. They explain things).

I’ll do my best to write a few more posts and link them back here – but until then, Turnip & Nessa out.